Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think we might need a safe word for this...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
