i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Im part way to drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
