And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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