Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
