There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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