I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
