Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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