Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
