Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
