my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
