why didn't you poke me back
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
