Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
