found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
