guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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