I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
