Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
