on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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