Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
