I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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