chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
