Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
