she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
