I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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