We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
