question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
