You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize