Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize