Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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