What did we do last night that was yellow?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
