ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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