I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
