Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
