I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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