How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize