I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
