my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
