I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
