ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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