When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
