I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
