thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
