Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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