Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
