Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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