At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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