if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
