Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
