Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
