tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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