We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
