I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize