Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
