my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Operation Purity has been aborted
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
