Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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