well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
