my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
