I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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