yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
