i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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