Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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