I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
