She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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