my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He did a backflip because drugs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
