YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
