I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
