I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We named our party play list daddy issues
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize