Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
