all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
