just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
