Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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