i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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