dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
