Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The beer is more important than you right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
