so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
