Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
