theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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