the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
