i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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