how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
