my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
