Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
