I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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