They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
