Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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