I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
