I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
