Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
