just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
