There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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