Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
