who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
