make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
