I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
