Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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