Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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