Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
